WIsh You Were Here

8:00 in the evening, I was strolling around Rob Manila for a gift for my friend.

While asking the sales attendant if they have anything I want, my phone suddenly rang. I wonder who would call at such hour.

When I picked up, I realized it was my mom.

I was surprised with what I heard.

Her voice, her mood was different, her calmness was gone.

She had just recently underwent an operation that removed her uterus. She had myoma (uterine fibroids) which are, fortunately, benign. She acquired it after my birth. It torments me to realize that I am actually the one to blame for that. You might say that I did not intend for it to happen, but come to think of it. If I were not born, she may not have acquired it.

I know a considerable percentage of women obtain this illness and they are very curable. However, the mistake of my parents probably was not giving apt attention to it. Imagine, for 17 years, my mom had been carrying it with her. The pain had just resurfaced three or two years ago and she had the operation just now.

Hearing her voice...

just kept me wanting to break down. 

I just don't want to tear up in front of many people and most of all, I don't want to be the source of her weakness. I want for her to keep hold of us. I want all of us to be her strength. At the end of the call, I managed to hold back my tears.

I WISH WE WERE THERE....

that we can hold her tight while saying everything will be alright.

SHE IS IN PAIN.

I miss her cracking laughter. No matter how many pain killers she take, it would not ease everything. If I could just hold her really tight right now. I would. Sorry for the drama but I miss her.

When I was young, she was always there to wipe my tears, hold my hand, kiss my forehead when things are messed up.

Now that she needs us, where are we?

Several miles away, visualized at the end of the telephone line.

FUCK DISTANCE.

I went to church earlier and my entire prayer was about her. Please, God, make her feel better, comfort her, send our love to her.

I know she will be fine. She is strong. We'll get past through this.

I JUST LOVE YOU MOM. AND I MISS YOU MORE THAN I CAN SAY.

Please be fine. Everything will be alright. 

*and yes, now, I am breaking down*