Dropping the bomb

GOD I HATE SURPRISES.

No, seriously, I don't. I'm thrilled by it. I hate spoilers as a matter of fact, especially when it comes to movies. But when it comes to real life, dropping the bomb in front of my face without prior notice, I AM HYPERVENTILATING!

I don't know if it's just the liquor that gave you the initiative to activate the bomb, but I was terrified... mortified... petrified... stupefied... by you! (quoting John Nash from A Beautiful Mind if you would remember) teeheehee. But I was glad to know that you are aware that I am not the to-be-rushed type. But the question really bothered me. Until now. (obviously, I was writing about it now) And I don't know if I have given you a clear answer for that last night.

For now, definitely, I am not ready for commitments and yes, my target is when I get to med school. You are my friend. Seriously, I consider you as a very close and good friend. And whenever I think that one of us has something for the other, it's hard. it's awkward. (I can hear your sorry right now). I wanted the friendship to continue, that's one thing I never want to lose.

Of course I can't tell you to stop whatever you have and also I am reminding you to never close your door to any other person. There are a lot of other people out there to consider 'kay? Ayoko lang talaga na may naghihintay. Ayoko ng nagpapaasa.


I'm not telling that there isn't a tiny bit of chance but seriously, I only treat you as a friend, for now. We wouldn't know what would it be in the future, but for now, let us stay on what we are with each other.

But I must admit, what you asked last night just made it harder and more awkward. So I will apologize in advance for my inappropriate behavior whenever we are left alone together. It's awkward, seriously, you must also admit! :)

Moreover, I'll be blunt, are you in your normal self last night? Dude, I am being smashed between being scared and hysterical. I was laughing with what you are doing and still, petrified with your intentions. If you will remember, you just suddenly flashed your hands in front of me, and left me hanging on a question of a dirt on my nose or something inappropriate in my face. Then you'll just grab your face and say sorry while shaking your head. Damn man, you're pretty scary but it's foine. And not to forget, you are my third man hug! God, if this continues, I won't be able to save for HIM! (yeah, remember the virtual man in the blog) But nevermind, it's a friendly hug. And seriously, are you pretty sleepy last night eh? You kept on resting on my shoulder! I'm not saying that I prohibit you from doing that, but, I think, it's pretty awkward??? Oh, God I am terribly sorry for all of these things.

But you know, it's actually hard. Imagine knowing someone has something for you, and they get touchy (hmmm, not the right word, but I can't find the right one now. Well, you already know what I mean) all of the sudden like those mentioned above, it's pretty inconvenient right??? As opposed to, imagine a plain, definitely, close friend, lying her head on your shoulder, without malice, it's rather okay, I think? Oh God, I am terrible at explaining things. So sorry.

But Dude, so everything will just be in order, I'll just consider the effect of alcohol last night, so, after all, no worries. :)))

Anyway, thanks for a great night and yeah, I've pretty much said all of it for now. I hope you'll consider and understand. I am terribly sorry for anything that will be blunt but I guess, it's better. Till then. :D