Hi.
I'm 'writing' again. Yes.
Even I could not believe it.
Maybe it's because of the warranted idleness and ultimate boredom this staycation has offered.
I don't even know what to write about. I just felt that I have to do something 'productive' i.e. enhancing my writing skills (if I have any) and trying to be more 'adult'.
God! I could not believe I am freakin' 20 years old. And yes, it's freaking me out.
When I was around 15, I told myself, "Wow, at this age, I can already do these things! I'm cool 'ryt?"
Now that I am 20, it's more like "Wow, at this age, I can only do these things! What happened?" I'm declining with my age - what is this inverse proportionality?
Now, I am sitting at home on this lazy, sunny afternoon, scribbling and typing random thoughts, writing as what idea pops into mind.
Then I realized, one month and two weeks from now, I am back to burying myself with books, staring absently at the demi-god professors in front trying to teach us the wonders of the medical field, drowning from all the caffeine just to survive an all-nighter and finally living the almost zero percent social life. All that in order to be one of the finest physicians the country could offer. Lots of pressure, eh? I'd rather go back to this bum life I guess. But then I thought, no. I think I am up for that extra challenge.
Ever since I was a kid, I've always dreamt of that stethoscope hanging loosely on my white, nicely-ironed coat, that M.D. affiliation after my name and that resounding "Dr." when people address me. Finally, I am five years and some kembots away from that unwavering dream. Who am I to give up after all I've went through?
Yet somehow, what seems so near still turns out to be lightyears out of reach. I have given enough sweat, tears, money and blood yet they seem way way far from enough. I have to give more. Then you start to ask yourself, "Kailan ba ito matatapos?" Well I think I found the answer quite easily. It will never end. You want to achieve more, you got to give more. The greater the sacrifices, the greater the reward. Nothing in life worth having comes so easy (except maybe microwaving your favorite scrambled egg - two minutes and voila!). If everything was easy, what's the point of trying so hard.
Anyway with all these life shenanigans, I just wanted to attest to myself that I will never give up. No matter what happened, mo matter how hard it could be, I will not back down. This is a testament that I am making to myself. "Hindi ako pwedeng sumuko. Hindi ako susuko." It's not just for myself, not only for my family. It's for the people as well. Spending four years in UP, I learned to be less selfish and be more aware. I graduated not only because of my hard work and my family's support but because of the sacrifices of the people as well. They invested in my education and believed in my potential. It was just rightful to give back especially to those who are greatly in need. Now I am becoming a doctor not only because of that childhood fantasy, not just because of personal stability but because of service to the underserved. I am not doing this because of "utang na loob" or because it was a graduate's obligation. I am doing this because I wanted to. I am doing this because it was the ultimate satisfaction one could ever yearn for. Giving yourself to others, for the greater good. Now I sound like some utilitarian hippie, I gotta stop all this blabber lol. But seriously, that's how I knew that I will never give up. The fulfillment of my dreams is the fulfillment of the people's dreams and it's worth all the sacrifice.
Well, it's definitely going to be a long five years and now I can certainly say that I am committed. I can make it through, you'll see! And by the way, that white coat and stethoscope that I was talking about? Just wait for my updated post around five years from now, I'll have a picture right away, you just wait! ;)
I could not wait for the classes to start.
Each day is a step closer to the finish line.
Oh well, game on!
