New Testament

Hi.

I'm 'writing' again. Yes.

Even I could not believe it.

Maybe it's because of the warranted idleness and ultimate boredom this staycation has offered.

I don't even know what to write about. I just felt that I have to do something 'productive' i.e. enhancing my writing skills (if I have any) and trying to be more 'adult'.

God! I could not believe I am freakin' 20 years old. And yes, it's freaking me out.

When I was around 15, I told myself, "Wow, at this age, I can already do these things! I'm cool 'ryt?"
Now that I am 20, it's more like "Wow, at this age, I can only do these things! What happened?" I'm declining with my age - what is this inverse proportionality?

Now, I am sitting at home on this lazy, sunny afternoon, scribbling and typing random thoughts, writing as what idea pops into mind.

Then I realized, one month and two weeks from now, I am back to burying myself with books, staring absently at the demi-god professors in front trying to teach us the wonders of the medical field, drowning from all the caffeine just to survive an all-nighter and finally living the almost zero percent social life. All that in order to be one of the finest physicians the country could offer. Lots of pressure, eh? I'd rather go back to this bum life I guess. But then I thought, no. I think I am up for that extra challenge.

Ever since I was a kid, I've always dreamt of that stethoscope hanging loosely on my white, nicely-ironed coat, that M.D. affiliation after my name and that resounding "Dr." when people address me. Finally, I am five years and some kembots away from that unwavering dream. Who am I to give up after all I've went through?

Yet somehow, what seems so near still turns out to be lightyears out of reach. I have given enough sweat, tears, money and blood yet they seem way way far from enough. I have to give more. Then you start to ask yourself, "Kailan ba ito matatapos?" Well I think I found the answer quite easily. It will never end. You want to achieve more, you got to give more. The greater the sacrifices, the greater the reward. Nothing in life worth having comes so easy (except maybe microwaving your favorite scrambled egg - two minutes and voila!). If everything was easy, what's the point of trying so hard.

Anyway with all these life shenanigans, I just wanted to attest to myself that I will never give up. No matter what happened, mo matter how hard it could be, I will not back down. This is a testament that I am making to myself. "Hindi ako pwedeng sumuko. Hindi ako susuko." It's not just for myself, not only for my family. It's for the people as well. Spending four years in UP, I learned to be less selfish and be more aware. I graduated not only because of my hard work and my family's support but because of the sacrifices of the people as well. They invested in my education and believed in my potential. It was just rightful to give back especially to those who are greatly in need. Now I am becoming a doctor not only because of that childhood fantasy, not just because of personal stability but because of service to the underserved. I am not doing this because of "utang na loob" or because it was a graduate's obligation. I am doing this because I wanted to. I am doing this because it was the ultimate satisfaction one could ever yearn for. Giving yourself to others, for the greater good. Now I sound like some utilitarian hippie, I gotta stop all this blabber lol. But seriously, that's how I knew that I will never give up. The fulfillment of my dreams is the fulfillment of the people's dreams and it's worth all the sacrifice.

Well, it's definitely going to be a long five years and now I can certainly say that I am committed. I can make it through, you'll see! And by the way, that white coat and stethoscope that I was talking about? Just wait for my updated post around five years from now, I'll have a picture right away, you just wait! ;)

I could not wait for the classes to start.
Each day is a step closer to the finish line.
Oh well, game on!

Admitting Defeat: 2-1

Today was a good day. Today was an extraordinarily sweet day.

I'm one lucky girl. We all are.

It has been a yearly tradition ever since we are freshies. Actually it all started when this little kiddos surprised us during our Christmas Party (2010). Who would have thought that they would even bother serenading us while giving out these pretty red roses. And it didn't stop there. Valentine's Day, 2011, we did not anticipate another round of sweet melody and orange florets. Oh, ze boys are just too sweet. And from then on, we swear, we'll definitely get back at them :)

And so, Valentine's Day 2012, we successfully caught them unaware of any plan we had for them. Peach Mango Pie, banat quotes plus an Ehead song, I guess we definitely settled it at 1-1.

Thus, the true competition began. It's kind of funny that it ended up this way: Who could give the best Valentine's surprise?
I know they'll be definitely doing something. But I never knew that it would be this much.

First Phase: The Be Your Everythuuung Harana which turned out to be a Mobile Harana.

      At first, we are trying to bust their plan. After our first period, all these red-donned boyeeez are entering the room. We asked them why they all wear red, trying to intimidate them at the very least. They responded with these lame excuses and then finally proceeded to their real plan. We thought that they are just practicing for their "thing" but then Aljohn suddenly knelt in front of us and gave us this chocolate treat. I don't know why I reacted so plainly. I just thought, "Weh, ito na yun ha?" I guess they're pretty disappointed after that, I'M VERY SORRY! I never meant to react that way. But this is a really sweet gesture :)

Second Phase: The Pre-Lab which turned out to be The Asim Video Part

      This is it Pansit! High-time. I don't want to be assuming but I'm really eager to see what they're up to. I can't friggin' wait! I actually thought that they asked Sir Vicencio to be their accomplice since he announced to meet at a single room for some revisions in his post lab, the night before. But then, the class went normally despite the huddling and giggling of the boys at the back. I swear, they act like girls! Then here comes the pre-lab of Aljohn's group. I know they're up to something. Hello? Who attaches a video during pre-lab?
     So here comes the video. My Goooood, "Di kinaya ng puso ko". I defintely laughed at practically everything. I swear, this video is goddamn hilarious and "punong-puno ng asim". Hands down for the effort and the background music!!! It's amazing how they make everything they do so funny and extremely amusing without even trying so hard. Plus we have 2 wicked oreos and a paper with this "kilig-to-the-dermis" banat:

"Si ALYSSA ka ba? Di ka kasi maALYSSA isip ko e :)"

This is too sweet for my life!!! And we thought, this act concludes it all. But then...

Third Phase: Counter-Greeting:The Flip Top Phase

     

       This is our turn to do our job. We attached ASIM BOYS letters to red and white balloons and prepared loot bags! I swear, this is one hell of an asim loot bag. I'm torned between the Sinigang Mix, the Silver Swan Vinegar Pouch Junior and the Barbie Pops as the best part of it but Man, we really had a good time picking those stuff. One more thing, it's best given with Calypso plastic :)

      Of course, it doesn't end there. Qi Feng Deyi FTW and Ikaw Lang Ang Aking Mahal by Brownman Revival. I think, we did a pretty good job.

      But man, these kiddos, they just never ran out of ideas!

      Troyss, Mr. Saudi-Philippines, composed this amusing poem which is very sweet and touching at the same time. These boys really know how to pluck the strings to a girl's heart.

I know we are very lucky. And I hope, we made them feel the same way. I would have never trade them with any other batchmates. They're just simply the best, 'nuff said.

I know we may be too attention-seeking, too corny and yes overly attached. But who the hell cares! We enjoy our inside jokes, we are crazy with each other. We are unbreakable.

It's not about the gifts and the audacious acts, it's their desire to make every girl special who wants to the same thing for them as well.

I love these immature and thoughtful guys. Every moment spent with them is priceless, and to that I am very grateful.

Happy Valentine's meh loves. Asim on. XOXO

Alone All Along

What is this strange feeling

The inexplicable void inside

I know I have seen it

I have known it from the start

I was alone all along

Yet I let myself drown

Helpless, useless progress

Stuck on the same ground

Every breath's a struggle to move on

To get out of this mess

To go back where I came from

I know this wasn't worth anything

But for a brief moment, I have held you in my arms

Feeling your warmth all around me

I could do anything but let go

I know I shall forget, such melody I have held for so long

Yet to forget is to breathe and to breathe is to die

To this we move on to the next chapter

Letting go of the hand I only dreamt of holding

I knew I was alone all along

Never Gonna Escape

Every single moment
Stuck in my head
Bask me with your unending light
Drown me in every piece of you

On the verge of losing my grip
Thoughtless, breathless, numbing my every sense
Falling in the abyss of such illusion
Betraying the reality before me

Escaping towards the truth
Running away from such sweet sorrow
Deceiving eyes looking at my very soul
Bounded by your shackles all over again

Such cruel fate I have
Piercing this feeble and hopeless heart
But I could never resist, I never want to
Looking at you is enough
Hearing your voice is enough
Feeling your warmth is enough
You alone are more than enough
I would never want to wake up

While You Were Sleeping

Random thoughts for that elusive night:

Can't sleep... tried my hardest but still no luck
Blank stares and itching fingers
Light head and heavy heart
Random thoughts circling through my mind
My eyes shut, my soul wide awake
Waiting for my dear friend to come
Longing for such warmth
And I shall slumber to your arms

Spare Me a Piece of Air

I'm sorry if this is gonna be all about you

How I hate you when you smile and stare

How you got me all tangled up, lost for words to say

I'm not gonna argue that I'm in love with you

and I hate how you make it so much harder for me to escape such fate

I hate that I can't focus on anything I do

You're everywhere dammit, spare me a space to breathe

My racing thoughts

They'll never gonna reach the end

My heart has never beaten quite normally for days

and you're the one to blame

But with you around, everything's fine, everything's alright

No worries, such melodies, heavy breathes and silent shouts

Being with you is just the easiest thing to do

I could lie there forever just me and you

But it's just a phase of my fake reality

Now, I can see our light waning out from its glow

Heading off towards the other side of the road

So long, my illusive romance

I got no one but myself to blame

Heading Over The Cliff

Scribbling all over the pages

Memories they will never fade away

You are the sun that greets my weary eyes

The dream I got to fell asleep with

We travelled along separate paths

Yet the wall just simply broke apart

We touched hands along the crossroad

Then we never get to look back

Every word’s a symphony

Every melody’s a bliss

Every glance sets me free

You’re my favorite part of reality

The leaves keep on touching the ground

And we are heading over the cliff

We hold our breaths as the clock chimes out

O sing me to sleep, we’ll never wake up instead