Miss Understood

It's just so hard...


I always ask myself why am i like this... I have been trying to change this for a long time. I don't know why I have a lot of mood swings but it really pisses me off and it sucks.

There will be times that I'll be happy and laughing out loud like I have been told the funniest joke in the world like there's no tomorrow.

There will be times that I'll be so down like a hopeless individual that can never be cured.

There will be times that I feel that I'm being so left alone. I don't talk to anyone and I don't care if anyone is pissed off of me... Just be pissed. Who the hell are you.

There will be times that I will feel passionate for any random people and I will give everything just to please them...

It's just so abnormal and I don't want to be like this. I like the fact that there are times that it is the better me but most of the time, I'm the antagonist in my story.

My relationship with other people actually change. I don't talk much at home, sometimes, I don't talk at all. I'm not really close to anyone of them and when they start a conversation and I speak - expect a fight. It's much better to keep quiet actually.

My approach to my friends change as well. I ask them if I was really moody and I know what the answer will be. I really try to change but I can't understand why I feel so irritated when somebody asks me and ruin my scene. Oh God. This actually sucks. Right now, I don't actually know what to feel.

And one of the most painful part about this damn attitude is my affection to someone. Today I love him but for the next days, I won't love him anymore. And that's a total bummer. I'm afraid to love someone anymore for it will only lead to heartache, heartache and heartache. Period.

I don't want to love somebody cause it will be the same old story. We'll only hurt each other. I really don't want to love anymore then wake up one day and the feeling is gone.

Why am I like this? I still don't know the answer.. =(

Gawd. Erase the emoness. I will change. I will. I swear